The Volunteer

I don't know what was happening , I don't think anyone did, I still don't think we do. I don't know how else to put it, the ocean invaded us. Now I don't mean a flood. I mean the ocean invaded. 30 seconds in that environment would have been enough to drive a fluid dynamicist clown shit insane.

I've heard theories about what caused it later, ranging from gravitation anomalies to escaped nanites to killer super intelligent blue algae , and as I said, I don't know. All I know is that on this day, I'm damn sure a 14 year old skater kid saved my life. And he did it with panache James bond would be envious of.

Taking advantage of the oddly overcast and pleasant day, I decided to mow my lawn. Being outside is probably what saved me. So there I was clipping away, hearing protection in place, not a care in the world, when all of the sudden I notice some movement out of the corner of my eye and realize there's a trickle of water in the road.

Now its amazing what the mind over looks because I was already hip deep in a busted water main, or burst above ground pool theory when it dawned on me, I live on an incline. This would be babbling brook was decidedly moving up hill.

I attribute my inaction to shock. You seem I'm a somewhat skeptical man, I see the world in what I thought was very clear terms. and water going up hill just broke something pretty fundamental about my mind. While I stood there letting the lawnmower idle the trickle turned into a creek, and finally got big enough to start soaking into my lawn.

I probably would have done something at that point like grab a camera or whatever, had I not noticed that the water was not washing away the grass clipping my mower had deposited all over the road 3 feet in every direction from the edges of my lawn. It was sliding over them, in fact it must have been sliding over everything since the water was crystal clear.

Still dumbfounded. I turned my head towards the source of the water and my mouth simply dropped open at what I saw.

Beyond the screaming crowds of people running away, and the natural chaos one would expect resulting from a wide spread, novel threat, was the wall of water about 6 feet high that was preceded by rivulets, like the one that first shattered my notion of a sane reality, that for all the world looked like tentacles to me.

Indeed that observation proved prophetic as while I watched a slower young lady stumbled into one of the mysterious trickles only to have the water flow over her and drown her standing while I watched. The water ran up her leg, up her chest and turned her scream into a gurgle in less than 3 seconds.

What had formerly been shock holding me to the spot now was replaced by an equally immobilizing fear as it dawned on me that there was a nice thick version of the thing that just drowned the girl next door, not 20 feet in front of me.

I slowly turned to stare at what I assumed was my imminent death when a car rounded a corner at break neck speed. I turned to look at it thanks to years of instinct, Screeching breaks, near your person means look around and be prepared to dodge. The car already slowed from the stunt like corner navigation now completed it halt with rubber shrieking protest, right on front of me, between me and the stream of doom. A kid wearing a hockey mask hopped out and what I expect where friends of his screaming at him to "get the fuck back in here!" "What the hell are you doing man?" "We gotta go, NOW!"

So this 5 foot tall thing in a while skull print hockey mask comes running at me, and grabs my arm and drags me to the car and throws me into his recently abandoned seat, and closes the door. then he hops on top of the car, and stomps twice on the roof.

The driver gets this weird little knowing smile on his face and floor the accelerator . I expect to see skull kid fly off the roof and get left behind us like a forgotten grocery bag, but to my amazement no. All the happen is the thin metal of the roof pops and thumps a little, and it dawns on me. He's riding the cars roof like a skate board. I ca hear and see him changing his footing or leaning as his friend drove us the hell away from the living water thing behind us. Dodging crazy people and other cars with preternatural grace.

The invasion only lasted a few hours or so, and as a result we all made it. But I know I wouldn't have had it not been for the compassion, skills and sheer stones, possessed by a kid whom I would have thought a little hooligan 2 hours before. When we reached a semi safe area the kid hopped off the roof and ran into the crowd of people and his buddies piled out and followed him leaving me in the back seat to contemplate what the hell had just happened.

I never saw any of them again.

I now keep a heavy duty electric hydraulic cutter in my trunk so I can quickly prune "no skateboarding" signs. When I come across them like unwanted weeds.

I like to think skull kid would smile about that, I sure as hell do.